***********************************************
 The Personal Ad Translations
 (Part 1 - Women Seeking Men)
 ***********************************************

 A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds:


 Code Word:    40-ish
 Really Means: 48

 Code Word:    Adventurous
 Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will

 Code Word:    Affectionate
 Really Means: Possessive

 Code Word:    Artist
 Really Means: Unreliable

 Code Word:    Athletic
 Really Means: Flat chested

 Code Word:    Average looking
 Really Means: Ugly

 Code Word:    Beautiful
 Really Means: Pathological liar

 Code Word:    Commitment-minded
 Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!

 Code Word:    Communication important
 Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise

 Code Word:    Contagious Smile
 Really Means: Bring your penicillin

 Code Word:    Educated
 Really Means: College dropout

 Code Word:    Emotionally Secure
 Really Means: Medicated

 Code Word:    Employed
 Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home

 Code Word:    Enjoys art and opera
 Really Means: Snob

 Code Word:    Enjoys Nature
 Really Means: Bring your own granola

 Code Word:    Exotic Beauty
 Really Means: Would frighten a Martian

 Code Word:    Feminist
 Really Means: Fat; ball buster

 Code Word:    Financially Secure
 Really Means: One paycheck from the street

 Code Word:    Free spirit
 Really Means: Substance user

 Code Word:    Friendship first
 Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

 Code Word:    Fun
 Really Means: Annoying

 Code Word:    Gentle
 Really Means: Comatose

 Code Word:    Good Listener
 Really Means: Borderline Autistic

 Code Word:    Humorous
 Really Means: Caustic

 Code Word:    Intuitive
 Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count

 Code Word:    In Transition
 Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

 Code Word:    Light drinker
 Really Means: Lush

 Code Word:    Looks younger
 Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light

 Code Word:    Loves Travel
 Really Means: If you're paying

 Code Word:    Loves Animals
 Really Means: Cat lady

 Code Word:    Mature
 Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, 
like last boyfriend did

 Code Word:    New-Age
 Really Means: All body hair, all the time

 Code Word:    Non-tradional
 Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

 Code Word:    Old-fashioned
 Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only

 Code Word:    Open-minded
 Really Means: Desperate

 Code Word:    Outgoing
 Really Means: Loud

 Code Word:    Passionate
 Really Means: Loud

 Code Word:    Petite
 Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins

 Code Word:    Poet
 Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic

 Code Word:    Professional
 Really Means: Bitch

 Code Word:    Redhead
 Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle

 Code Word:    Reliable
 Really Means: Frumpy

 Code Word:    Reubenesque
 Really Means: Grossly Fat

 Code Word:    Romantic
 Really Means: Looks better by candle light

 Code Word:    Self-employed
 Really Means: Jobless

 Code Word:    Smart
 Really Means: Insipid

 Code Word:    Special
 Really Means: Rode the short schoolbus

 Code Word:    Spiritual
 Really Means: Involved with a cult

 Code Word:    Stable
 Really Means: Boring

 Code Word:    Tall, thin
 Really Means: Anorexic

 Code Word:    Tan
 Really Means: Wrinkled

 Code Word:    Voluptuous
 Really Means: Very Fat

 Code Word:    Weight proportional to height
 Really Means: Hugely Fat

 Code Word:    Wants Soulmate
 Really Means: One step away from stalking

 Code Word:    Widow
 Really Means: Nagged first husband to death

 Code Word:    Writer
 Really Means: Pompous

 Code Word:    Young at heart
 Really Means: Toothless crone