In History Today June 17: On this day in 1986 Brian began his final summer vacation. Funny how those two words don't mean jack sh-t now. -Brian --------- A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and runs them down. They show him their papers (he thinks they are phony). He tells them, "O.K. I have a test for you. I want you to use the words 'cheese' and 'liver' in a sentence." So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch." The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asks the second guy. He says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine." --------------------- A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look long." --------------------------- A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks. "Cojones, senor," the waiter replies. "What are cojones?" the man asks. "Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon." At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller. "What's this?" he asks the waiter. "Cojones, senor," the waiter replies. "No, no," the man objects. "I had cojones yesterday and they were much bigger than these." "Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time." -- Brian Murphy murphy@adnc.com