One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!" The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the 3 million dollars that she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. But first, she said that she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the rather large amount of money involved. After looking in the bag and seeing bundles of $1,000 bills which could have amounted to $3 million, he called the president's office and saw to it that the old lady met with him. The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the presidents office. Introductions were made and she stated that she liked to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The president then asked her how she came into such a large amount of money. "Was it an inheritance?" he asked. "No," she replied. He was quiet for a minute trying to think where she could have come up with $3 million. "I bet!" she stated. "You bet!" repeated the president. "as in horse?" "No." she replied. "I bet on people." Seeing his confusion, she explained that she justs bets diffferent things with people. All of a sudden she said "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00 am tommorrow your balls will be square." The bank president figured that she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't see how he could lose. For the rest of the day he was very careful. He decided to stay home that evening and take no chances-- There was $25,000 at stake. When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make sure that everything was OK. There was no difference, he looked the same as he always had. He went to work and waited for the little old lady to come in at 10:00, humming as he went. He knew tht this would be a good day, how often do you get handed $25,000 for doing nothing. At 10:00 am sharp the little old lady was escorted into his office. with her was a younger man. When the president inquired as to the purpose of his being there she informed him that he was her lawyer and that she always took him along when ther was a large amount of money involved. "Well," she asked "What about our bet?" "I don't know how to tell you this" he replied "but I'm the same as I always have been, only $25,000 richer!" The old lady seemed to accept this but requested that she be able to see for herself. The presiddent thought this was reasonable and dropped his trousers. She instructed him to bend over, and she grabbed hold of him. Sure enough everything was fine. The president then looked up and saw her lawyer banging his head against the wall. "Whats wrong with him?" the president asked. "OH him," she replied, "I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 this morning I would have the president of Chase Manhatten by the balls." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?" The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?" The man looks at her and says, "Pepper." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++