Here's today's installment of "Jokes I E-mail". Enjoy! Brian Murphy murphy@adnc.com San Diego, CA (go UCLA!) ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ A man walks into a bar, and starts crying, I mean he is really balling. When the bartender asks what's wrong he says he just found out his son is gay. Well, the bartender can imagine the pain this man must be feeling so he says, "Here," handing him a shot of whiskey, "This is on the house. Oh hell, I'll even have a few with you." So they have quite a few drinks over the course of the night. About a week later the same guy comes in, same thing, crying out loud. When the bartender asks what is wrong the man replies, "I just found out my other son is a fag." So the bartender sets up a few shots for each of them. As they are drinking the bartender asks how many sons the guy has. "Three." "Is the other one straight?" "As far as I know" The man leaves. After about a month he comes back in AGAIN he is crying. The bartender thinks poor guy, and asks, "Doesn't ANYONE in your family like having sex with women?????" "I just found out my wife does." ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ One day, a man entered a bar with a little rabbit and sat on the balcony while he was having his drink. While the man enjoyed his drink, the rabbit started to shit on everything around. The man noticed all the rabbit shit and leaves the cafe . A few moments later another man enters the bar and sits on the blacony. As he is ready to order a drink he notices the rabbit shit and asked his waiter, "What are all these little round things?" The waiter said, "Ohh... Those are smart pills." The man said, " Can I have some ?" The waiter replied, " Sure, go ahead they're free." So the guy starts eating all the little round rabbit pellets. Suddenly the man yells, "These pills taste like shit". The waiter smiled at the man and said, "See. You are getting smarter already !!!" ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ A man had recently moved to Arkansas, and bought a old chicken farm. One day a neighboring farmer dropped by to introduce himself and finally meet the new neighbor. "How's it going?" he asked, referring to the newer man's chicken farming. "I just can't seem to get any of these hens to lay eggs that hatch!", was the unexpected response. "Do you have a good rooster?", asked the neighbor. "I don't have ANY roosters...do I need one?", queried the new farmer. The neighbor assured him that he indeed Did need a good rooster, and wanting to be neighborly, he kindly offered to bring his best rooster over on a loan-type arrangement. The very next day, true to his word, the neighbor showed up, bright and early with an old, scrawny-looking rooster. The new farmer was appalled by the half-dead appearance of the rooster, but not wanting to be rude, he said nothing about it. Instead, he put the old rooster in the pen with his hens, thanked the neighbor, and went back inside for breakfast. When he came back outside, he discovered the rooster had already serviced all of the hens and was quite busy servicing the turkeys. So, he said nothing and went to the barn to get his tractor. When he returned, he discovered the rooster had finished with the turkeys and was then servicing the ducks. While he changed out the spark-plugs in the tractor, he observed the rooster finish with the ducks and proceed to the geese. He was quite amazed at the rooster's endurance. "Man! Old Rooster, you have got to slow down or you are gonna kill yourself!", he warned. Then, his wife called him in for his lunch. Sure enough! When he came back out from his lunch, the rooster was laying on his back, on the ground, with his feet stuck up in the air. The man rushed over to him and said, "You poor old Fool! Just look at you! You have almost killed yourself by trying to service everything in sight!" To that remark, the rooster pointed skywards with his foot and replied, "Shhhh... BUZZARDS!" ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun... Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Indian:Cowboy: " Is this Indian your owner?" Dog: "Yep" Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Indian: Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " Horse: "Yep" Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Indian: Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Indian: "Sheep Lie." ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf- mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."