The More Efficient Christmas
 
 The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the
 early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about
 whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the
 North Pole.
 
 Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no
 longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping
 channels and mail order catalogs have deminished Santa's market share and he
 could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
 
 The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late
 model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip.  Improved productivity from
 Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is
 anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service.
  Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for
 which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press.
 
 I am please to inform you and yours that Rudolph's role will not be
 disturbed.  Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole.
  Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that
 Rudloph's nose got that way not from a cold, but from substance abuse.
 Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share
 of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and
 taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive
 stress.
 
 As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole
 to continue to look for better, more competitive steps.  Effective
 immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve
 Days of Christmas" Subsidiary:
 
 The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the
 cash crop forecasted.  It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
 providing considerable savings in maintenance.
 
 The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
 effective.  In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
 condoned.  The positions are therefore eliminated.
 
 (The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the
 French.)
 
 The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with
 a call waiting option.  An analysis is underway to determine who the birds
 have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
 
 The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
  Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
 implications for institutional investors.  Diversification into other
 precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear
 to be in order.
 
 These six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be
 afforded.  It has been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per
 day is an example of the decline in productivity.  Three geese will be let
 go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure
 management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
 
 The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.  The
 function is primarily decorative.  Mechanical swans are on order.  The
 current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
 enhance their outplacement.
 
 As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny
 by the EEOC.  A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.  The
 more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.
  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring
 or a-mulching.
 
 Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.  This function will be
 phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
 
 Ten Lords-a-Leaping is overkill.  The high cost of Lords plus the expense of
 international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
 replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen.  While leaping ability
 may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an
 oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
 
 Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
 band getting too big.  A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new
 music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the
 bottom line.
 
 We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and
 other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching
 deliveries over twelve days is inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one day,
 service levels will be improved.
 
 Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion
 to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is
 pending.
 
 Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in
 the future to stay competitive.  Should that happen, the Board will request
 management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is
 the right number.