It all really just boils down to this:

ISSUE         | DEMOCRATS             | REPUBLICANS
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criminals     | Give them a second    | Give them the swift
              | chance                | sword of death
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the poor      | Give them some food   | Give them the swift
              |                       | sword of death   
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addicted      | Treat them & give `em | Give then the swift
              | a job                 | sword of death   
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
endangered    | Give them protection  | Give them the swift
species       |                       | sword of death   
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
dictators     | Give them a way out   | Give them the swift
              |                       | sword of death   
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
the uninsured | Give them some        | Give them the swift
              | health care           | sword of death
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
the cost      | $9,000,000,000,000,000| $29.95
              |                       | (cost of one sword)  
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