Received: from e1.empirenet.com (root@e1.empirenet.com [205.164.88.1]) by e2.empirenet.com (8.6.12/8.6.9) with ESMTP id HAA00253; Sat, 11 May 1996 07:15:30 -0700 Received: from europe.std.com (europe.std.com [199.172.62.20]) by e1.empirenet.com (8.6.12/8.6.9) with ESMTP id HAA19167; Sat, 11 May 1996 07:11:11 -0700 Received: by europe.std.com (8.7.5/BZS-8-1.0) id CAA29108; Tue, 7 May 1996 02:13:10 -0400 (EDT) X-Authentication-Warning: europe.std.com: daemon set sender to lotd-approval using -f X-Authentication-Warning: europe.std.com: Processed from queue /usr/spool/mq/8 Received: from world.std.com by europe.std.com (8.7.5/BZS-8-1.0) id CAA29104; Tue, 7 May 1996 02:13:09 -0400 (EDT) Received: from tiger.misty.com (tigger.misty.com) by world.std.com (5.65c/Spike-2.0) id AA12743; Tue, 7 May 1996 02:10:09 -0400 Received: (from joeshmoe@localhost) by tiger.misty.com (8.7.5/8.6.12) id CAA18126; Tue, 7 May 1996 02:10:03 -0400 (EDT) Date: Tue, 7 May 1996 02:10:03 -0400 (EDT) From: Jascha Franklin-HodgeMessage-Id: <199605070610.CAA18126@tiger.misty.com> To: lotd@world.std.com Subject: Laugh Of The Day - Tue, May 07 1996 Sender: lotd-approval@world.std.com Precedence: bulk Reply-To: lotd-owner@world.std.com Errors-To: lotd-errors@world.std.com X-Mozilla-Status: 0001 ****************************************************************************** Be sure to visit LaughWEB (http://www.misty.com/laughweb/) ****************************************************************************** *File Description: Thus Spake Gates* >This was in the Atlanta Journal/Constitution 9/10/95. > >"Thus spake Gates" > by Jack Warner > >In the beginning, there was nothing but Apple. And the PC was without form >and void, and the darkness was on the face of its hard drive. And Bill >said, Let there be DOS: And there was DOS. And Bill looked upon it, and it >was good, and with it the PC slew the Apple. And DOS grew and grew, until >its number was legion if you counted the decimal points, and still it was >good. > >And Bill grew large with ambition, and he decreed there should be a >processor of words; and lo, there was Word. And Bill sayeth, Let there be a >thingy for the crunching of numbers, and lo, there was Excel, and did his >kingdom grow apace. > >But there had arisen in the land the thing called Macintosh, sprung from the >intransigent Apple-men, and Bill looked upon it, and it was better > >Rapidly did he decree that Word should be made to run upon it, and after >that Excel, and then all the other fruits of his efforts, but still he was >wrathful. > >So Bill did order his minions to come forth with Windows, and when they did, >he looked upon it, and it was bad. > >So he sent them back to try again, assuring all the world they would get it >right this time, yet they did not. > >Unrelenting, Bill forced yet a third mighty blow, and when it came forth, >Bill did order his trumpets to blow, and his chorus to sing, and his criers >to cry, until the din could be heard throughout the land; and when he looked >upon this third version of Windows, he saw it was not all that great, but >like hotcakes did it sell. > >And thus did Bill gloat, for the world proclaimed he had matched the lowly >Macintosh, and his praises were sung throughout the land. > >And so he ordered another, mightier, more magnificient version made, and his >henchmen and henchwomen did labor hard. > >Still it was not forthcoming in the year promised, nor the year promised >next, and rumors did abound, and magazines did overflow with secret peeks, >and columnists did heap their scorn upon it. And came the minions of the >Justice Department, bent upon proving Bill monopolous, yet before his wrath >did they quail, and proclaim him innocent, mostly. > >And that which was once called Chicago became known as Windows 95, and the >suspense built throughout the land, and Bill, remembering what had gone >before, set about building a great Hype. > >Into his Hype he put the greatest mouths of the land, and scattered the >fruits of his profits so heavily that he bought hosts of angels to sing, and >Rolling Stones songs, and trumpets and horns and drums without number. As >the time of birthing grew nigh, he purchased television time without end, >and appeared thereon himself, and bought entire editions of newspapers to >give away unto the faithful, and traveling circuses to visit each great >city. > >And so when Windows 95 was born did hysteria rule the land, as the choirs >sang and the trumpets and horns did blare and the televisions and the >newspapers charge their followers to go forth and buy. > >Heeding this, the populace did rush to the marketplace at the stroke of >midnight, when even the cock doth sleep, and did push and shove and come >even to blows the better to secure their own copies lest they be thought >ignorant, or uncool, or hamsters in the eyes of Bill. > >And Bill looked upon what he had wrought, and he giggled, and rubbeth his >hands together, and even in the moment of his triumph, began to think of >Next Time. ****************************************************************************** LAUGH OF THE DAY - A service of LaughWEB (http://www.misty.com/laughweb/). To unsubscribe, send e-mail to majordomo@world.std.com, with text: unsubscribe lotd email_address Where "email_address" is the address you used when you subscribed to lotd. For more information about Laugh Of The Day or LaughWEB, send email to: joeshmoe@world.std.com with a SUBJECT header of: info laugh To subscribe to lotd, point your web browser to: http://world.std.com/~joeshmoe/laughweb/lotd_subscribe.html The URL of today's laugh: http://www.misty.com/laughweb/computer/ms/thus.spake.gates ****************************************************************************** Warning - Material contained in this document might be considered offensive. Please read our disclaimer: http://www.misty.com/laughweb/laughweb.disclaimer.txt ******************************************************************************