Content-Length: 4984 > Enjoy the following. If you have any questions on who these famous people are, > there is always the encyclopedia. > > ------------------------------------------ > Why did the chicken cross the road? > No Product - Irreverent Developer's Corner > Jonathan R. Caforio, 09/13/96 > > Why did the chicken cross the road? > > Plato: > For the greater good. > > Karl Marx: > It was a historical inevitability. > > Thomas de Torquemada: > Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. > > Timothy Leary: > Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. > > Douglas Adams: > Forty-two. > > Nietzsche: > Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. > > Oliver North: > National Security was at stake. > > Carl Jung: > The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual > chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore > synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. > > Jean-Paul Sartre: > In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it > necessary to cross the road. > > Ludwig Wittgenstein: > The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and > "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of > this potential occurrence. > > Albert Einstein: > Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends > upon your frame of reference. > > Aristotle: > To actualize its potential. > > Buddha: > If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. > > Salvador Dali: > The Fish. > > Darwin: > It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. > > Emily Dickinson: > Because it could not stop for death. > > Epicurus: > For fun. > > Ralph Waldo Emerson: > It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. > > Johann Friedrich von Goethe: > The eternal hen-principle made it do it. > > Ernest Hemingway: > To die. In the rain. > > Werner Heisenberg: > We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving > very fast. > > David Hume: > Out of custom and habit. > > Saddam Hussein: > This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in > dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. > > Jack Nicholson: > 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. > > Pyrrho the Skeptic: > What road? > > Ronald Reagan: > I forget. > > John Sununu: > The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite > understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity. > > The Sphinx: > You tell me. > > Henry David Thoreau: > To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. > > Mark Twain: > The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. > > Stephen Jay Gould: > It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we > have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the > fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, > and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure > most prominently in sociobiological speculation. > > Joseph Stalin: > I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette. > > Captain James T. Kirk: > To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. > > Machiavelli: > So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the > daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among > them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such > a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. > > Hippocrates: > Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. > > Noam Chomsky: > The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% > of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of their lives > in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every > international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens > bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to > cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or > two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, > this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around > on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only > crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the > same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy > industry). > Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, > contact (Odonian Press)