If you don't often read the Pink section of the Examiner or Chronicle, then you might find something interesting here. If you do, then it may look real familiar to you. > ====================================== > Party of the First Part wanted to rent rights to a plot of land, thereon to > put a sewage tank, next to the Columb Barracks in Ireland. Party of the > Second Part asked, For how long? They debated, agreed, and on Dec. 3, 1888, > signed a lease for 10 million years. > > A blindfolded dolphin can find a nickel on the bottom of its tank. > > Ask your family feline fancier how many rows of whiskers are in the two > middle rows. That cat has been 25 and 30 such whiskers, if average. > > Gatherers of financial stats say 40 percent of the baby boomers owe more than > they own. > > Shortest Olympic contest: Weight lifting. Longest: Cycling. > > Morbid Memo: A seventh of your life is Mondays. > > You recall the name of John T. Scopes, the man convicted in "The Monkey > Trial" of 1925. It was charged he taught evolution in contradiction to the > Bible. Shortly before Scopes' death in 1970, he told a writer he'd just > subbed in that class to help an ill teacher for a few days. He knew little > about evolution, he said, and doubted he taught the class anything at all > about it. > > "Diaper" has been around for centuries as the word for a diamond-shaped > weave, but only in the past 150 years or so has it been specifically a baby's > bottom wrap. > > Research at Columbia University suggests about 50 percent of all family > fights start in the evening hour just before it's time to eat. > > That ailment for which the most home remedies have been prescribed throughout > history is said to be the sore throat. > > Ants make do without ears. > > Fifty percent of bounced checks pay for liquor. > > U.S. law courts devote more than half their time to cases involving cars. > > Before A.D. 420, most well-trained riding horses, even as well-trained > camels, dropped to their knees to receive their riders. A.D. 420 was the > year stirrups were invented. > > Ogden Nash decreed: "Any dish that has either a taste or an appearance that > can be improved by parsley is ipso facto a dish unfit for human consumption." > > A fly's heart is symmetrical. > > Not all that long ago in Thailand any woman who was still unmarried at age 30 > had the right to apply to the government for a husband. > > Totem pole believers think people descended from animal, plant and other > natural forms. And so do the advanced scientists in anthropology, might > mention. > > In the Middle Ages, when the better-off people first moved kitchens into > their homes from nearby sheds, most put them in their attics. > > Does it have to be exact? certainly. If 99.9 percent were good enough, it > would be all right for the proofreaders of your big dictionary to leave > uncorrected about 400 misspelled words. > > The listers now say one out of every 25 American millionaires is a woman. > > History records that the report card of Lyndon B. Johnson at age 8 listed six > A's and one C+. The A's were for the usual. The C+ was for conduct. > > If you have trouble going to sleep, blame anxiety. If you have trouble > staying asleep, blame depression. That's a generality shredded by exception > and riddled with contradictions. But doctors say it's accurate often enough > to note and remember. > > The Talmatobius frogs in Lake Titicaca have no tongues. They eat with their > fingers. > > The manatee inspired among ancient sailors the earliest notions about > beautiful mermaids. That's known to all, including women who've recently > gone up a dress size. To them, our Love and War man would like to point out > that many of those inspirational manatees measure 7 feet around the waist. > > It was the Irish-born American sculptor Augustus Saint-Gaudens who said, > "What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art." > > The literary A.A. Milne with his own way of judging men once noted: "What I > say is, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of > fellow." > > Can you recall any film director, besides Alfred Hitchcock, who leased out > his name to a successful TV show and appeared regularly on same? Neither can > I. > > Item No. 883C in our Love and War Man's files is a remark by the witty Cathy > Carlyle: "Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in the control of > the switch." > > Why mathematics teachers do so well in matrimony, typically, is not fully > explained, but they usually appear on the most-happily-married lists compiled > by the Love and War researchers. > > "Writing," said the great French playwright Moliere, "is like prostitution. > First, you do it for the love of it, then you do it for a few friends, and > finally you do it for the money." > > The leader of a wolf pack is always a she. > > Claim is every 10th homicide nationwide involves a husband and wife. > > It's a simple psychological fact that far more girls than boys grow up > knock-kneed. > > What's your age? Don't tell me. Just multiply it by 3. Add 1. Multiply > that by 3. Add you age again. Knock off the last digit. What do you have? > Your age. You knew that? > > When the English first settled in Jamestown, the price of a bride was 1120 > pounds of tobacco. > > Your hand is exactly as wide, if typical, as your middle finger is long. > > The man who invented the Walkman also put together a long list of other > electronic components for VCRs, ATMs, cordless phones, fax machines, > computers. He is Jerome Lemelson, America's most prolific living inventor, > credited with more than 500 patents. > > A group of asses -- imagine you can do something flippant with them -- is > called a "pace." > > Q. "What was Elvis Presley's first film? What year?" > A. "Love Me Tender." In 1956. Born that year: Tom Hanks, Montel Williams > and Mel Gibson. > > Q. "In big-league baseball, what proportion of the base runners try to > steal?" > A. Three out of 10. > > Q. "A magician on TV demonstrated that he could stop his own pulse at will. > How did he do it?" > A. Easily. It was Blackstone's trick years ago. He put a wad of cloth a > couple of inches thick into his armpit, then pressed down hard against it. > > Q. "Which are more likely to have curly hair -- men or women?" > A. That, too, has been studied, and it's now known the curly gene is > indiscriminate. It's a toss-up. > > Q. "How many hairs are in one eyebrow?" > A. If you guess 550, you'll be pretty close. > > Q. "What item sells best in the supermarket?" > A. Milk. That's why it's almost always in the back of the store. So you'll > see numerous other desirables on your way to it. > > Q. "In theatrical talk, what's it mean 'to paper the house'?" > A. Give away tickets to fill the seats. > > Q. "Who was the first First Lady who could mail letters without having to > pay postage?" > A. Martha Washington. In 1800. > > Q. "Does my blood pressure go down when I sleep?" > A. Doctors say so. If it's a normal 120/80 awake, expect a normal 100/60 > when asleep. > > Q. "Who was the athlete who built up his body by lifting a calf every day > when it grew into a cow?" > A. Milon of Croton of ancient Greece was that fictional figure of according > to the oft-told tale. > > ----------------- > > By L.M. Boyd, San Francisco Chronicle, August 3 & 4, 1996