Yeah, I know this is an old one. But it appears that someone has slightly
updated it. Note in particular the reference to Tandem! Someone other than
us actually knows we exist >;-)

> WHAT IF:
>      
>      ... IBM made toasters...
>      
>      They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
>      submitted for overnight toasting.  IBM would claim a worldwide
>      market for five, maybe six toasters.
>      
>      
>      Xerox made toasters...
>      
>      You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
>      Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
>      The toaster would jam your bread for you.
>      
>      
>      If Radio Shack made toasters...
>      
>      The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
>      it.  Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
>      
>      
>      If Oracle made toasters...
>      
>      They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and
>      styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel
>      Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
>      years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing
>      smoke.
>      
>      
>      If Sun made toasters...
>      
>      The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa
>      Java.
>      
>      
>      Does DEC still make toasters?...
>      
>      They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
>      
>      
>      If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
>
>      They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast
>      and gives you regular bread.
>      
>      
>      If Tandem made toasters...
>      
>      You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the
>      toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
>      
>      
>      If Thinking Machines made toasters...
>      
>      You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
>      
>      
>      If Cray made toasters...
>      
>      They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
>      single-slice toaster in the world.
>      
>      
>      If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
>      
>      It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.
>      Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it.  Their
>      service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the
>      blueprints for the box would be highly classified government
>      documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.
>      
>      
>      If the NSA made toasters...
>      
>      Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could
>      access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
>      national security.
>      
>      
>      If Sony made toasters...
>      
>      The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece
>      of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to
>      your belt.
>      
>      
>      If Timex made toasters...
>      
>      They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that
>      take a licking and keep on toasting.
>      
>      
>      If Fisher Price made toasters...
>      
>      "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to
>      toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
>      
>      
>      If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
>      
>      Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece
>      of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
>      
>      
>      If CostCo made toasters...
>      
>      They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
>      And, of course:
>      
>      
>      If Microsoft made toasters...
>      
>      Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
>      toaster.  You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have
>      to pay for it anyway.  Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence
>      requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to
>      power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would
>      claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark
>      you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other
>      appliances to find out who made them.  Everyone would hate Microsoft
>      toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread
>      only works with their toasters.
>      
>      
>      If Apple made toasters...
>      
>      It would claim to do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 
>      5 years earlier. But in reality, it costs twice as much and only
>      knows how to toast Apple bread, which tends to lack flavor.