The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers 20> Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. 19> Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18> Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17> Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16> Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." 15> Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. 14> Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working. 13> Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. 12> Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. 11> Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. 10> Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. 9> Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome 8> 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... 7> Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. 6> SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. 5> SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! 4> Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever. 3> Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. 2> Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms. and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers... 1> TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *